Donor milk

Last night Alder got his first taste of donor breastmilk. I feel pretty good about getting 4.5 months on just my supply, and I might even have another week of my own in the freezer. Right now I seem to be 2-3 oz short of what Alder takes every day, so we've been slowly eating up the freezer milk. I'm soooo thankful that we have a donor we trust here in town (my doula!). She truly has the supply for twins. So now I breastfeed most of the day and night, but when I'm away from Alder I never pump what he takes in. So the donor milk fills the gap. Thank god for boobies.

Low milk supply

Life as a low milk supply mom is hard. Sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve this fate...if there was anything I could have done to make my milk supply flow freely. I can certainly say that low milk supply moms suffer. It is torturous.

It all started with my daugther. I never imagined I wouldn't have enough milk. When she was born, I'd done all the reading and was ready and excited to breastfeed. Ava appeared to have a great latch from the start too, and boy did she love to breastfeed! Unfortunately, I had some excrutiating pain problems (which will be the subject of another post). At 3 days old, Ava had lost 8 ounces. At 7 days, she was up 4 oz. At 10 days, she was up 2 more oz. At 23 days, she was only up 2 more oz. So obviously around the 1.2-3 week area, my supply was no longer able to keep up with her demand. It showed too - she was ALWAYS trying to nurse, was always crying when she wasn't nursing, had pooped a grand total of three times in her life (minus meconium), and was always rooting. I never leaked. I was never engorged. I never felt letdown. I never heard Ava swallow. So at 23 days old, after a strong talk from my very pro-breastfeeding pediatrician and lactation consultant, we started supplementing with a little bit of formula. I had intended on getting my supply up enough that we could wean off the formula, but it never happened. I tried everything - pumping ALL THE TIME, nursing ALL THE TIME (despite serious pain), herbs, teas, meditation, and a prescription drug called Domperidone. The drugs helped, but not quite enough. So Ava continued to get 4-10 oz of formula every day and gained only 1/2 oz/day at best. It hurt every time I had to give her the formula because it was something I never ever wanted to do.

Fast forward to Alder's birth. I was prepared with what I might face again. We watched carefully to see what was happening with his weight and nursing. At 3 days, he'd lost 12 oz. At 7 days, he was still down 12 oz, he still had jaundice, and he hadn't pooped yet (minus meconium). The pediatrician told us to supplement right away. I asked for a few more days to work on it. I had my Domperidone and herbs at home and started them right away. I pumped after every feeding. I woke the baby every 2-3 hours to make sure he was feeding at least 10-12 times/day. I used breast compression. Thankfully, Alder gained 1 ounce/day for the next 2 months after that. It has slowed down now, and I'm worried about it. But he's still gaining in the acceptable range. So I've managed to avoid formula so far (at almost 4 months!). Now that I'm away from Alder (at school) a few hours a day, he's taking in more expressed milk from bottles than I can pump. I'm slowly losing ground and my freezer supply is disappearing. Soon it will be gone. Thankfully, my good friend and doula has volunteered to donate her extra milk to us. I will be grateful for that gift forever. But I just wish I didn't have to worry about it at all.

A true, low milk supply is actually quite rare, though the term gets thrown around a lot. Unfortunately, many doctors and nurses are not very educated in breastfeeding and mistakenly advise moms to supplement when they don't need to. So many women think they have a low supply, but very few actually do. I've breastfed for a total of 16 months now between my two kids, and I've tried EVERYTING and seen all the experts to try and figure this out. I always keep this little glimmer of hope that it will get better. Perhaps with my next child. But so far, it appears I'm one of the unlucky few with a true low supply. And we absolutely cannot figure out why, because I don't fit the typical profile for a low supply.

In treating my low supply, I've had GREAT success with the drug Domperidone. This drug is normally prescribed for gastro-intestinal issues, but it has the side effect of increasing prolactin levels and therefore milk production. For me, it has been a wonder-drug with absolutely no side effects besides the increase in milk. Unfortunately, it is very difficult to get. The FDA has not approved its use for lactation (though the AAP has approved its use in breastfeeding mothers), and for some unknown reason, they have cracked down on physicians and pharmacies that still prescribe and distribute it. Jack Newman, perhaps the world's leading breastfeeding expert, has a few choice words for the FDA on this issue. It has been used safely and effectively around the world for decades, and has far fewer side effects than the other drug Reglan that is commonly perscribed for increasing lactation (which is also not FDA-approved for lactation, but they aren't being jerks about that drug). With my daugther Ava, our pediatrician was hesitant but did write the prescription for me, which I filled via the internet with a Canadian pharmacy. With Alder, I jumped ahead by ordering from this New Zealand company that ships from Vanuatu, thereby avoiding the need for a prescription. Plus, it is far cheaper this way.

I wish low milk supply wasn't something I had so much experience with. Like I said, I have this hope that with my next child, perhaps it won't be a problem. But if I continue to have problems, I feel well-prepared to deal with it. My heart goes out to any mom who suffers with this problem. I understand the heartache and feelings of inadequacy. It hurts.

Two Progeny

I am a mother before I am anything else. I have been a mother for exactly 2 years and 12 days. Well, at least that is how long my first child has been on the outside. I suppose pregnancy adds considerable time to that. It is hard to remember the days before I became a mother. I had 29+ years of having no progeny of my own, so you'd think it was more memorable. I guess it isn't that my time without children wasn't memorable, but that my time as a mother has absorbed nearly every inch of my brain. I guess that is how our children ensure we love them forever - if they occupy every part of our memory, who can we remember how fun life was back when we could stay up late with other adults.

I have two children. My first, a girl named Ava, is now a rambunctious and curious 2-year old. She speaks in complex sentences and has real emotions, opinions, and an impressive memory. I can't believe she is such a big kid now. My second, a boy named Alder, is nearly 3 months old. He's grinning and grabbing for toys now. He's also not sleeping much at the moment. Good thing he's grinning. We planned them close together. I love my children more than I ever dreamed I would. I can't wait to see them every morning. I value my time away from them too though, but mostly because it makes me appreciate them so much more when I come home. We hope to add two more children to our family in the next few years.

I guess you could say I'm a stay-at-home mom right now. I don't have a job exactly, but I'm not home with them 7 days a week. I am a part-time graduate student, trying to finish up my PhD (see a future Student post). Ava goes to G&G's house (that is short for Grandma & Grandpa) a couple of days a week so I can focus more on school. It is much easier to write my dissertation from home when I only have to care for the not-yet-3-month old. Getting work done with a toddler in the house just doesn't happen. A couple of mornings a week my husband also stays home with them so I can run into school and make an appearance in my building. On days I have both kids, we typically hit the library, the pool, the park, the grocery store...anything to keep the toddler busy and make sure she naps.