She is here

Whew. The baby finally came out. :) I was actually starting to wonder, being 5 days overdue and a full 3 weeks later than my last kid.

My daughter was born on Tuesday, February 17th at 7:45 am after 5 easy hours of labor. She weighed 8 lbs 14 oz and was 20.25 inches long, and had a 13.75 inch head and 14 inch chest (big!). She's got 10 fingers and 10 toes and is absolutely perfect. The birth was wonderful. I really couldn't have asked for better. Despite being by far my largest baby, I didn't tear (!!!) and felt in complete control pretty much the entire time. Keith was able to catch his daughter, and I reached down and grabbed her as she completely emerged. It was awesome.

Now, at 5 days old, we are dealing with weight loss, jaundice, and a lack of pooping. This is something I've seen before and is very frustrating. We have a midwife visit later today so we'll see how it is going. Otherwise, things are going quite well. The older kids absolutely ADORE her. My body is healing very quickly, thanks to the easy birth. She's even sleeping a fair amount (though that might be because of the jaundice). If we could just get the milk flowing and get her weight up.

Officially Overdue

I can't believe it. My due date was yesterday. I'm still pregnant.

Granted, this is normal for most women. The average pregnancy is longer than 40 weeks. But MY pregnancies have all been weeks shorter. I've always known it was possible I could go longer, but considering my other two kids were 12 and 16 days early and were healthy and of good size (7,4 and 8,6), I really didn't think this pregnancy would go so much longer.

So here I am, weeks more pregnant than I've ever been, measuring much larger than I've ever been, wondering when this kid is coming out. I wonder what will be different since this baby has cooked so much longer. Will I notice less vernix and lanugo? My other kids were covered in it. My son had a pretty good case of jaundice too. Could we avoid that this time? Will this baby be more awake and alert because of the extra weeks? I hope so. Could breastfeeding be easier? That would be so cool. And of course, I AM wondering how much BIGGER this kid is going to be. Still curious whether it is a boy or girl too.

Today is Friday the 13th. I don't really have a problem if baby chooses to come today, though I think Keith is a little freaked by it. The kids both have colds right now and I'm getting one too. And I've got a new cold sore brewing. But I don't really want to wait until we are all healthy for this baby to come out. That might not happen until May.

So baby, please please please come out!

Is this what it feels like to be overdue?

I'm not overdue. In fact, I'm only 38 weeks 3 days pregnant. But this is now my longest pregnancy. My daughter would have been born yesterday, and my son 5 days ago. So it kinda feels late to me. With all the prelabor activity starting at 34 weeks, and the several false starts I've already had, I really thought I'd be holding my baby by now. I guess this is what they mean by "the third baby throws you for a loop!" My midwife laughed and admitted she was waiting for me to go 2 weeks overdue, though she also said she didn't think I actually would. God, I hope she's right. No way I can imagine this pregnancy being a MONTH longer than my other two, not to mention that my son was nearly 8.5 lbs at 37.5 weeks...so an extra month could mean a rather large baby!

I'm hoping this extra time means no jaundice or breastfeeding problems this time. And it would be cool if the prelabor lead to an extremely short and easy labor. Wishful thinking? Probably. But I've got a lot of time for thinking right now, and I'm choosing to think about that. :)

Ouch

I think I may have a broken rib. I can't believe this little critter inside me could be so mean to his/her mama. I guess quarters are getting very tight in there. This pain has been present for 1-2 weeks, but it is just getting worse and worse. I still have a cough too, which makes it so much worse. Certain postures and a cough or sneeze just make it feel like a knife in my side. Guess there isn't much that can be done, except wait for relief from the pressure once the baby is out. Speaking of which...I started seeing some mucus last night, but it was only very minor. It could be anytime. If this baby picks a timeframe similar to when my other two arrived, he/she will be born between Tuesday and Saturday of next week. I'm nesting like crazy, and in 2 days I will be free of all commitments. I can't wait to meet this new person.

Where have I been?

Where on earth have I been? Wow. I can't believe my last update was in September. That is pretty sad. The truth is, life has just been very busy. I was forced to reduce computer time, and my blog is one of the things that had to take the back-burner. I'm not quite ready to say, "I'm back," but at least I'm here for today.

For the fall I was teaching two classes at the local university, and that kept me very very busy. I was also teaching childbirth classes (for which I have my certification exam TOMORROW), attending doula births, raising 2 kids, and of course, gestating a third. In mid-November I was in a car accident that tore things up a bit. I have "minor" injuries I guess, though it is now almost 2 months later and I'm still seeing the chiropractor, acupuncturist, and massage therapist. The accident was caused my an insurance-less fuck who plowed at 35 mph into a stopped car (and that stopped car then plowed into me). Three people, including myself, were taken to the hospital. I was sent straight to L&D because of frequent contractions (at 27 weeks), but things settled down with rest and hydration. And we had another ultrasound, but resisted finding out the gender again. The at-fault driver's car was totaled. My car wasn't too far from totaled. And come to find out he had no insurance, no driver's license, no car registration, AND he had 2 kids in the car who were not his kids and who were not in proper child restraints. How can people be so clueless?

Anyway, that accident has left me with even less time for blogging because of the HOURS of weekly appointments. Things are considerably better now. Then in December I got REALLY sick. It has been about 5 weeks now and I'm still sick. The holidays were non-existent because I could barely drag my ass out of bed. Finally now, things are starting to look up. I'm nearly 35 weeks pregnant - exactly 3 weeks away from when my son was born. The house is almost ready for baby. We even had a house cleaner come visit yesterday. I just bought a new nursing bra, which makes me sooo excited. And my birthday is in just a few days.

It is hard to imagine I'm going to have another newborn soon. My oldest is really excited about it. It has been a completely new journey to have her so aware of her new sibling this time. I'm very excited to meet this little person. I would sure like it if he/she would lay off my SI joints.

It is confirmed...I'm carrying a mini Homer Simpson

The "big" ultrasound was yesterday. For each of my kids, I've left the 20-week ultrasound feeling like the baby looked like something specific on the ultrasound screen. With my first, she looked like a turtle...it was something about the placenta resting against her back. With my second he looked like a duck. This baby looked strikingly like Homer Simpson. There was a particular shot when they measure the distance between the eyes that really brought out the Homer image with eyes bugging out and big round forehead. Anyway, I'm hoping the kid is a bit cuter in 4 months.

We don't have the official report yet, but everything looked good from my eyes. Baby was extremely uncooperative for most of the measurements. Even if we had wanted to know the gender, they would not have been able to tell. I guess that is the way it is supposed to be. We truly weren't meant to know. I still have this feeling about a boy, and my daughter is convinced it is a boy...but we'll see. We're definitely coming up with girl names too, just in case.

Otherwise, things are going well. I'm STILL gagging and vomitting on certain food items and when I brush my teeth. Almost 21 weeks...sheesh. Between the sickness and the uncooperative behavior for doppler and ultrasound, I'm still thinking this baby might be a handful when he/she emerges on the outside. Contractions are getting more regular. I've always had lots of "practice" contractions very early on, so this is nothing new for me. It is exciting though.

Last week I attended my last doula birth for probably the rest of the winter and spring, and it just got me soooo excited to be in labor again. Birth went very well, though it was long. But mom got exactly what she was hoping for - it was about as close to a homebirth in a hospital that you could hope for. And the neat thing, at least from a doula perspective, was to really see how as the baby's position changed from posterior to anterior, it really changed the contractions. Had this mother had an epidural, I feel certain she may have needed a cesarean. This baby liked to be posterior, and only turned with extended time on hands and knees (which an epidural would have prevented). Anyway, it was a beautiful experience.

Otherwise life is very busy. I'm teaching two university classes this fall, plus doing a bit of research work. I was offered a teaching position for winter term too, which I had to turn down because of the baby. And I now have one lined up for spring, as well as 2 research proposals to work on and a proposal to work on some e-courses for quite a bit of money. Though getting the PhD was a major pain in the arse, I'm sooo happy to have it now. Pay is more than quadruple what I was making before (which obviously wasn't much), and I feel this invisible measure of respect coming from the other faculty. Pretty sweet.

Boy or Girl?

We've decided not to find out this time. I kinda can't believe it. I was so sure I wanted to know with both of my previous pregnancies, and though we told the ultrasound technician not to waste time hunting for it, we were relieved when baby made it really easy to guess their gender. But this time, the ultrasound instructions will be to steer clear of the goods! And we are totally comfortable with that plan.

I still think it is a boy though. I've just felt that way from a few weeks in. We didn't try for a boy or girl this time, so it really could be either. But I just feel boyish. Plus I've been sicker than sick (still puking about every other day...at 18 weeks!), and though I wasn't THIS sick with my son, I was certainly sicker with him than I was with my daughter. Each pregnancy has just gotten sicker and harder. We have plans for a 4th after this, but for the first time I'm actually dreading the whole pregnancy part of it. I just don't enjoy pregnancy very much. I like the idea of it, but my pregnancies have been very hard on me. Guess I'll never grow up to be a surrogate.

Baby is safe

It took a while, but baby is making him/herself known now. I've been pretty certain I'm feeling movement, and then today we FINALLY found the heartbeat on a doppler. Whew! Coming up on 16 weeks and all is well.

When it hits the fan

A week ago, we were on top of the world. We'd just sold our house for a very sweet price. We'd just bought a new house for a very sweet price. We were moving in just a few weeks, and were VERY excited about it. Then Thursday hit.

On Thursday we had our inspection. Nothing really scary came up, but definitely a few annoying things. However, the buyer obviously saw something that terrified him because he went running. His reason? He said he didn't think any bank would give him a loan. Not sure where he got that, cause there was nothing that serious in the inspection. Regardless, he's gone. Our new house deal is gone. And we are back on the market. NOT. HAPPY.

And, on that same day, we had an appointment with our midwives. At 14 weeks, they were unable to find a heartbeat. I'm trying not to be too worried about it since I'm still pretty sick and we had that ultrasound just 2 weeks ago. Plus I think I'm starting to feel movement. But still, I'd think there would be a loud heartbeat by 14 weeks. Next appointment isn't until 18 weeks, but I may go back next week just to check unless I start getting some majorly reassuring kicks this week.

Bleh. I'd like some good news now.

Confirmation of life

Those first few months of pregnancy are rough, when you are sick and feel bloated, but haven't heard a heartbeat or felt the baby move yet. There's just no confirmation you feel like ass for a reason. These months have been dragging on since I've been feeling so badly, more than any of my pregnancies before. I was pretty nervous going into our ultrasound last week, just hoping to see a healthy fetus. I knew being sick was probably a good sign, but there's nothing like seeing your baby flip you off to know things are going well.

All's well with this one (nicknamed P3). At 12 weeks exactly, we went in for an Ultrascreen (combination ultrasound and blood test that looks for Down's Syndrome and Trisomy 13 and 18). We hadn't heard the heartbeat yet, so this was our first glimpse of life. And that little bugger was wiggling! Everything looked really healthy. The baby had a great heartbeat and was extremely active. We got to watch some hiccups for a while. And our test results were fabulous too - chance of Down's or Tri 13/18 is less than 1 in 8000 and 1 in 10000, respectively. And best of all, baby was measuring perfectly. I love to see that when it happens, because I always set my due dates according to my ovulation date. My ovulation date is the most accurate, and I know this (and my midwife trusts this). Had we used my date of last menstural period, my due date would be nearly a week off. So hooray for knowing your body!

This baby is gonna be trouble

I've never been this sick before. I blaim that for my extended absense in blogworld, and it probably isn't over yet. I'm still sick, though having occasional moments of normalness that tell me perhaps the end is near (in a month maybe). It is bad enough to make me wonder why I wanted to get pregnant again, and to seriously question our plan to have one more baby after this one. I'm sure I'll see things differently when I feel better, but damn...this sucks.

Pregnancy seems to be going well. Just over 11 weeks now. Haven't heard or seen the baby yet, but we have an Ultrascreen (includes an ultrasound) scheduled for next Thursday. Heartburn started about a month ago, but is treatable with papaya so far. Tired as hell, but that doesn't surprise me. My belly is growing quickly and I can easily find my fundus nearly halfway to my umbilicus. Guess third babies push your body out quickly.

Our 3 year-old (birthday tomorrow!) is SUPER excited about the baby. I'm really looking forward to having her conscious and present throughout this pregnancy and birth.

Blehhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Morning sickness sucks. I know I remember morning sickness once it is over, but I don't remember who crappy I feel really. This stinks. :( All day bleh.

In other much more exciting news, we made a bid on a house today. :) :) :) It is a contingent offer, so even if it is accepted, we still have to sell our place. But it is a great house!

Dead cat, open house, and sharing the news

That was my day. Well, there were some other things thrown in there too, but this is the part I choose to share.

We're taking care of a neighbors cats, and this morning husband returned to say he thought one of the cats was dead. Poor kitty. Sure enough, "Yoda" was curled up in a tiny box under the sink in the laundry room, and was stiff as a board. He was still warm, but definitely not with us anymore. I've never had to wrap a cat in a garbage bag and stick them in a freezer before. The owners will return tomorrow to a sympathy card taped to their door. Don't want to surprise them when they open their freezer to find a frozen kitty...

Just after finding the cat, and just before placing kitty in the freezer, we jumped in the car to go look at a house. It is the first house we've actually gone to see...and turns out it is owned by someone we work with. House needs work, but is livable and has EXCELLENT potential. Location is great too. But if we buy it and want to make some upgrades, it would be more than we can afford.

A few hours later, my folks arrived for tomorrow's graduation ceremony. They haven't been here in a year, haven't seen daughter in a year, and haven't seen son in 9 months. It is really great to have them around. And...I got to actually tell them in person that we are expecting another baby. This is the first time I've gotten to tell them in person, though I think they kinda suspected since we mentioned we were looking at bigger houses. Still, it was great to see their faces as the comprehension sunk in. I had one of those digital pregnancy tests that just says "Pregnant" and I asked daughter to carry it in and hand it to grandma. It was pretty sweet.

Now tomorrow I get all dressed up and receive my PhD. It feels a bit surreal.

By the way, I was in Vermont for most of the week at a conference. Nearly saw a tornado while there, and I've got pics. Hope to get those up soon.

In Praise of Telling Too Soon...

You may be surprised to hear I'm pregnant, when really I'm not even 4 weeks pregnant yet. Lots of folks wait until 8...10...12 weeks to tell, and I'm just not like that anymore. I am happy to be pregnant right now, and if something happens and this pregnancy does not make it all the way, I want to share that and receive support too.

One of my friends sent this message to me not long ago, after her own miscarriage. From Mothering.com:

In Praise of Telling Too Soon
By Katie Silberman
Web Exclusive, January 28, 2008

That thing they warn you about: it happened to me. I got pregnant. I was thrilled. I told a bunch of family and friends—and then I lost the baby in my second month. I had to untell a whole lot of people. That story was swirling around in my head. You know the one. The one "They" always say about how you're "not supposed to tell people too soon."

I always hated that one. I hated it when my sister would whisper that her friends were pregnant, and then warn me, "...they're not telling people yet." It seemed so negative and scardey-cat to me. I always swore that when I got pregnant, I'd tell the whole world.

Well, I did (practically). And it was great. I got the most wonderful responses, full of excitement and anticipation and appreciation for my husband Bryan and me. We had a great two months—it was fun when my clothes started not to fit; it was fun when my husband had to go out at night and get me ginger ale, just like in the stories. We even got a few cards and gifts.

Then we went for our first OB appointment. The doctor saw the baby on the ultrasound, but she could not detect the heartbeat. "I think your baby has died," she said. The words didn't even sink in. My husband and I are pretty optimistic people—it truly had not even occurred to either one of us that the baby might not be okay. When we finally registered what she had said, the news was crushing; it was devastating; I felt like a balloon had been popped.

Any loss can surely be utterly distressing, painful and sad. What seemed different about this particular loss, besides the fact that it was happening to us (this wasn't supposed to happen!!!), is that when I was pregnant I was coming from a place of such elation. It wasn't just normal life—it was flying high, excitement, euphoria, anticipation. And then the crash. The distance to fall seemed farther—the chasm between zenith and nadir more vast.

That's where "in praise of telling people too soon" came in. My husband and I were crushed with grief and disappointment. All I wanted to do was to lay on the couch in my bathrobe all day (sometimes Bryan would gently inquire around 4 o'clock in the afternoon whether I wanted to get dressed. I would scowl at him and say no.) Not up to talking on the phone, I sent out an email message to my friends and family briefly explaining what happened. Along with "untelling," I explained that I did not much feel like receiving calls. We were inundated with caring replies, and reading the messages that poured back in was all I felt like doing those few weeks. Bryan smiled that every time I checked my email, tears rolled down my cheeks as I was touched by the waves of support from the people who loved us, recognized what we were going through, and offered us their kindness. If we had not had the outpouring of care and support from our friends and family, I am certain that couch-laying phase would have lasted a lot longer than it did.

The thing about miscarriage that I most feared was that it seemed so invisible. I hadn't really looked pregnant yet; the baby was just a tiny thing (the size of a raspberry, the books said). With the code of secrecy surrounding the "don't tell too early" story, there did seem to be a residual sense of shame about what was happening; as though it should be kept in the realm of women's maladies that happen "down there," in the dark, that we're not allowed to talk about. But I knew that something real had happened to me; it was not invisible.

If I had kept my pregnancy and miscarriage a secret, if I had bought the shame story, then I would not have been real. I can't even imagine having to fake it with the most important people in my life: to pretend that nothing was wrong, during one of the most heartbreaking experiences of my life. That, to me, seems much more traumatic than having to "untell" and then tell the people who love you that you could use a little love and support. And then let them give it.

Franny

I'm just twiddling my thumbs here...waiting...waiting to hear tomorrow if the Mizz will have a brother or a sister. :)