Where have I been?

Where on earth have I been? Wow. I can't believe my last update was in September. That is pretty sad. The truth is, life has just been very busy. I was forced to reduce computer time, and my blog is one of the things that had to take the back-burner. I'm not quite ready to say, "I'm back," but at least I'm here for today.

For the fall I was teaching two classes at the local university, and that kept me very very busy. I was also teaching childbirth classes (for which I have my certification exam TOMORROW), attending doula births, raising 2 kids, and of course, gestating a third. In mid-November I was in a car accident that tore things up a bit. I have "minor" injuries I guess, though it is now almost 2 months later and I'm still seeing the chiropractor, acupuncturist, and massage therapist. The accident was caused my an insurance-less fuck who plowed at 35 mph into a stopped car (and that stopped car then plowed into me). Three people, including myself, were taken to the hospital. I was sent straight to L&D because of frequent contractions (at 27 weeks), but things settled down with rest and hydration. And we had another ultrasound, but resisted finding out the gender again. The at-fault driver's car was totaled. My car wasn't too far from totaled. And come to find out he had no insurance, no driver's license, no car registration, AND he had 2 kids in the car who were not his kids and who were not in proper child restraints. How can people be so clueless?

Anyway, that accident has left me with even less time for blogging because of the HOURS of weekly appointments. Things are considerably better now. Then in December I got REALLY sick. It has been about 5 weeks now and I'm still sick. The holidays were non-existent because I could barely drag my ass out of bed. Finally now, things are starting to look up. I'm nearly 35 weeks pregnant - exactly 3 weeks away from when my son was born. The house is almost ready for baby. We even had a house cleaner come visit yesterday. I just bought a new nursing bra, which makes me sooo excited. And my birthday is in just a few days.

It is hard to imagine I'm going to have another newborn soon. My oldest is really excited about it. It has been a completely new journey to have her so aware of her new sibling this time. I'm very excited to meet this little person. I would sure like it if he/she would lay off my SI joints.

It is confirmed...I'm carrying a mini Homer Simpson

The "big" ultrasound was yesterday. For each of my kids, I've left the 20-week ultrasound feeling like the baby looked like something specific on the ultrasound screen. With my first, she looked like a turtle...it was something about the placenta resting against her back. With my second he looked like a duck. This baby looked strikingly like Homer Simpson. There was a particular shot when they measure the distance between the eyes that really brought out the Homer image with eyes bugging out and big round forehead. Anyway, I'm hoping the kid is a bit cuter in 4 months.

We don't have the official report yet, but everything looked good from my eyes. Baby was extremely uncooperative for most of the measurements. Even if we had wanted to know the gender, they would not have been able to tell. I guess that is the way it is supposed to be. We truly weren't meant to know. I still have this feeling about a boy, and my daughter is convinced it is a boy...but we'll see. We're definitely coming up with girl names too, just in case.

Otherwise, things are going well. I'm STILL gagging and vomitting on certain food items and when I brush my teeth. Almost 21 weeks...sheesh. Between the sickness and the uncooperative behavior for doppler and ultrasound, I'm still thinking this baby might be a handful when he/she emerges on the outside. Contractions are getting more regular. I've always had lots of "practice" contractions very early on, so this is nothing new for me. It is exciting though.

Last week I attended my last doula birth for probably the rest of the winter and spring, and it just got me soooo excited to be in labor again. Birth went very well, though it was long. But mom got exactly what she was hoping for - it was about as close to a homebirth in a hospital that you could hope for. And the neat thing, at least from a doula perspective, was to really see how as the baby's position changed from posterior to anterior, it really changed the contractions. Had this mother had an epidural, I feel certain she may have needed a cesarean. This baby liked to be posterior, and only turned with extended time on hands and knees (which an epidural would have prevented). Anyway, it was a beautiful experience.

Otherwise life is very busy. I'm teaching two university classes this fall, plus doing a bit of research work. I was offered a teaching position for winter term too, which I had to turn down because of the baby. And I now have one lined up for spring, as well as 2 research proposals to work on and a proposal to work on some e-courses for quite a bit of money. Though getting the PhD was a major pain in the arse, I'm sooo happy to have it now. Pay is more than quadruple what I was making before (which obviously wasn't much), and I feel this invisible measure of respect coming from the other faculty. Pretty sweet.

Doctor Firefly Mama

D-O-N-E!!

This morning I turned my final revisions into the graduate school for my dissertation. It almost required a degree just to turn it in and meet all the requirements (10x13 inch manila envelope with metal clasp with 2 flyleafs, 3 extra title pages, 1 extra signed abstract, taped title page on front, receipt for archiving fee, etc etc). My revisions were pretty simple - took about 3 days. As of this afternoon, my online transcript says "Doctor of Philosophy degree requirements met on May 8, 2008." DONE DONE DONE DONE!!!

In other news, I've attended two births in the last two weeks too. Birth stories coming soon. One was a 92-hour marathon birth (I was only present for the last 25 hours). The other was an induction with hx of embolism complications that ended well with 4 hours of pushing. Both were good. Can't believe I fit them in there with all the defense stuff going on.

So now I'm taking a little time off from school. Gonna work on relaxing and reclaiming my sanity and health, develop my childbirth classes a bit, go see a movie, and go meet some new babies...

FREEDOM!!!!!!

Doctor

Firefly Mama, PhD

I think I like the ring to that.

Defense went well today. First I presented my research in a quick 30-minute seminar, which was followed by a brief Q&A from the public. Then I had 2 hours of grilling from the profs. They excused me for 30 minutes, then brought me back in to shake my hand. Pretty good feeling being part of the club. Finally. Now I'm tired. Got a birth coming up in the next few hours too.

T-minus 6 days

Life is crazy as I prepare to defend my PhD next Thursday. I can't barely keep up with things. Plus, I attended a marathon 92-hour birth earlier this week (I was only there for 25 of those hours). And I've got another mama due tomorrow too. How did all this stuff end up happening at the same time?

Cool thing this week was picking up my cap and gown. When you become a Dr, they give you very fancy robes.

Sweet rides and happy days

Picked up the new minivan last night. It is soooooo nice. I'm in love! It feels so big and luxurious compared to our past vehicles. And now today it is GORGEOUS outside, and I got my final comments back from my professor on my dissertation, and he LIKES it! This are looking good today. I think this afternoon we're gonna go out for a joy ride.

May 1st, 2008

Okay, just kidding in that last post.

I will be defending on Thursday, May 1st. It is official now. I've submitted the paperwork to set things rolling. From 10 am till 1 pm on May 1st, I'll be sweating buckets. Hopefully by 2 pm, I'll have successfully defended my dissertation. Whew.

April 24, 2008

I will be defending my dissertation on Thursday, April 24, 2008. Time TBA.

I can't freakin' believe this is going to happen. I will then have 15 days to complete all my revisions and turn everything in to the Graduate School.

Then, on Sunday, June 15, I will become Dr. Olsen. hehehehe

Updates

I haven't posted in a while. I know. I think my blog is going to suffer a little in the coming months as I near the end of my school career. My stress and anxiety are just overwhelming sometimes, and it leaves me wanting to lurk more than post on the internet. So I will try to speak up when I can, but know that if I'm MIA, its cause I'm buuuuuuuuusy.

So updates...

Last weekend I attended Neonatal Resuscitation Program with Karen Strange, and it was an AMAZING class. We learned far more than just resuscitation of newborns. We learned about newborn physiology and some techniques to encourage a peaceful transition from intrauterine to extrauterine life. And, I got to meet Sage Femme, someone I've admired for a while and hope to interact with more frequently.

Alder is coming up on 9 months now. He still isn't crawling, and has no teeth. He's been on the verge of crawling for about 2 months, so I'm starting to wonder if he'll skip crawling all together. He's doing okay with standing if propped up in that position.

The life-after-school question is still up in the air. A big job came up but I've decided to pass because it is: 1) in Eugene, 2) full-time, and 3) research focused, and I want none of these things. My advisor has remained noncommital about whether I can work for him after graduation, so I'm starting to assume that means no. He's sending some hints that it is no, though I think if he really KNEW it was no, he'd just tell me no. Anyway, I'm definitely not counting on that. Right now I'm excited about developing my doula and childbirth education business, and possibly getting the opportunity to do some assisting at homebirths in the near future (Pssst...any area MWs reading this...I'm available!).

School is coming along, but pissing me off too. I'm still revising my final chapter, and time just keeps passing. My advisor is being tough on some of the revisions, so we aren't setting a defense date yet. Now it looks like I may stray into spring term. If so, at least my advisor has offered to pay me (a teeny, tiny amount) for spring term too. But dammit, I gotta finish!!

What else...

We got a new tv today. (grin) Finally...my piece o' junk tv can be retired, in favor of the nice, new, CLEAR imagine of our LCD flatscreen. As a LOST junkie, I can't wait to see my favorite characters on the big screen.

I've been doing a draft of our taxes, and it looks like we're going to get quite a little refund this year. Thank goodness...cause we're shopping for a minivan this summer and need more for that downpayment.

Not much else really. Just busy...and stressed.

Freaking out

The end of my life in school is near, and it has me thinking constantly about what I will do next. If all goes well, I'll be defending my dissertation in as little as six weeks. My last (little tiny) paycheck as a graduate research assistant comes at the end of March. Then what? The answer is...I still don't know. My advisor may have work for me. I've asked him about it in the past, but he's been unwilling to discuss it until we knew when I would finally finish the degree. I think we could discuss it now...I just need to get up the guts. There is also a chance he won't have anything for me, as I recently learned he hired another friend (who is significantly cheaper than I would be). If I can't work for him, then what? Perhaps another professor will have work, but it is unlikely. Ideally I'd like 10-20 hours per week and I don't really need benefits, so I'm really not THAT expensive, but my field is not funded as much as it should be.

If I don't work at school, then I really don't know what I'd do. Stay home with the kids while I search for something else? I'd like to avoid pulling the kids out of daycare if I can help it, as it was hard enough to get them in that place. I definitely don't want something full-time, and it shouldn't be too permanent, as we plan on me needing another maternity leave or two in the next couple of years. I've been browsing tenure-track faculty positions around the country, and a few things have caught my eye. But I'm just not ready for that yet. I hope I can find something come spring though. I like to have my mind challenged a few hours a week, by something other than playing Scrabble I mean.

Dissertation

WORLD TAKE NOTE! Just 5 minutes ago, I finished my Ph.D. dissertation. Granted, it is just a draft and will have probably several months of revisions before the library gets its official copy. But I've got a complete dissertation in my hands!!! Shout it from the rooftops! I might actually finish this degree! Dangit, I feel good. I know getting a Ph.D. is an enormous task, but I tell ya...take things one day at a time and you will find yourself here...with a complete dissertation. I'm hopeful for a defense in January. We'll see what my advisor has to say in a few weeks.

Mega update

I've lost all sense of time. Seriously, minutes pass in seconds, days pass in minutes, and weeks pass in the blink of an eye. I remember as a kid when life passed at the slowest snail's pace, but now it is more like a rocketship. Somebody put on the brakes, will ya?

Life in our household has been continuing full-steam ahead. Nothing major has happened in the last week, except for the most minor case of the sniffles in both kids. My computer at school (where I have the most uninterrupted time to blog) doesn't like Blogger, so I've been unable to post from there and frankly, posting time at home is almost non-existent lately.

So the VBAC birth that was going on last week obviously ended. I was not called to stay the primary doula. Baby was born later that night via emergency cesarean, after a transfer from the birthing center for what the doula described as "scary" decelerations. While at the hospital, the mom was able to continue laboring all the way to 8 cm (that is 7 cm further than she got last time), but then FHT took such a serious dive a cesarean was performed immediately. Turns out there was a serious cord entanglement going on, and baby wasn't coming out without bringing the placenta with it. Healthy boy, 9.5 lbs. Mom is really happy she got to experience so much labor.

In other news, daycare woes continue. Ava is now registered for 3 afternoons a week starting after Thanksgiving, but that is not a convenient schedule for us at all. With some luck, all the right changes will take place in the next 6 weeks, and we'll get both kids in there for 2 full days/week by January 1. Cross your fingers for us. We're still on the waiting list for the campus daycare center, but it looks like that will be July before space is available.

We've been getting our wills and advanced directives together around here. We already had a will, but seeing my aunt's death and the aftermath associated with her will and assets, I've realized how important it is to have everything meticulously prepared. I've been learning about trusts. There are just so many ways to take care of your loved ones after you die. Confusing stuff. Not like we have much to leave em (and not like we plan on dieing for 50 years), but I wanna make sure they get every penny!

Potty training! I think we are officially potty-trained here. Accidents are extremely rare now and almost predictable because of the circumstances. We still haven't tackled nap or night training because Ava has no access to the potty during those times, but it is coming soon.

Night weaning! Alder has night-weaned himself. This has been going on for about 2 weeks. I can't believe it. Last night he slept for 10.5 hours STRAIGHT. And he's not even 6 months. I'm so thankful we've gotten here with absolutely no urging on our part. Franny, I hope your next one takes a cue from Alder. Granted, things were still very rough 2 months ago, but to completely sleep through the night ON HIS OWN at less than 6 months...that is just worth almost anything.

Not much else going on. Keith and I are dreaming of our new minivan that we hope to get next summer.

Oh, and 2 days ago I finished writing the final manuscript of my dissertation. It needs major editing, and I still have to write a brief introduction and brief conclusion to the whole dissertation, but that should only take a couple of days. I can't believe I'm almost there. Hopeful defense date in late January.

And one more thing! I'm on the verge of signing up for my first class towards the long path to midwifery. I'm thinking this will be a one or two classes at a time, maybe a couple of times a year thing...so the entire curriculum will take probably 5+ years (I'm thinking of going for the AS degree which includes the CPM first, then possibly the MSM if I'm still into school and all). But that sounds about right to me. I have no apprenticeship lined up anyway. It takes time to figure those things out, and until I'm done with the PhD and have earned a little money, I can't even fathom an apprenticeship with no income.

Okay, that is all now.

School deadlines

So I'm trying to finish up my PhD, right? Well, if I wanted to defend this term (and avoid paying for next term), I have exactly 7 weeks to turn my dissertation in to my committee. It is doable, but at a cost that I'm not sure I can handle. Though I desperately want to be DONE DONE DONE, I've been thinking more and more about slipping it into next term. This would allow me to breath a little bit more right now. But it does put as at a continued financial disadvantage, because as long as I'm a student, I'm not making money for our family.

Knowing that I might have no choice but to continue school into winter term, I had lined up a TA position that could pay my tuition and give me a little tiny itty bitty stipend (about the same as daycare would cost for both kids 2 days/week). Well today my advisor surprised me with an offer to pay me for an RA for winter term if I wanted/needed. It would be roughly the same pay, maybe a tiny bit more, than the TA position. But it would be paying me to work ON MY PROJECT. AND FINISH. AND GET MORE PUBS IN THE WORKS (instead of grading a bunch of undergrad term papers). I think I'd be a dunce not to take it. I'm very thankful my advisor has dug deep and found the money to pay me for this. The grant I wrote at the start of my PhD has long run dry, so I've been piecing together TA positions and paying my own way for the past year. It will be nice to be back on the payroll again. And it gives me one more term to figure out what the heck I'm doing next.

Update on the Daycare Decision

No daycare! Actually, we'd decided we WERE going to put Alder in daycare, on the schedule I mentioned earlier (the same days Ava is at G&G's house). Then we actually checked with the daycare, and of course they didn't have the days and times we wanted. They had some other, suckier times. So we talked with G&G about changing up Ava's schedule so it would match the times Alder could go to daycare. Well, they were a bit jealous I think of Alder going to daycare, so instead they offered to watch them both. For free!!! I'm getting free daycare 3 days a week for 2 kids!!! Granted, it is only for 5 hours on those days, but damn can I be productive in 5 short hours! I'm probably getting the same amount of work done that I would in a leisurely 8 hours. Keith splits the other 2 days a week with me, working a compressed schedule to make up some of the hours, and taking some hours as vacation every week. This week is our first attempt at the 2-kid days at G&G's house. Actually, today was day 1. All went well. This arrangement isn't permanent, but hopefully they'll hold out for as long as I think it will take me to finish school. I'm shooting for a December defense. I have no idea if that is realistic, but I'm going for it.

Daycare or No?

After repeated little breakdowns about stress over finishing school in a more timely manner, we are now considering daycare again. I just don't feel like I'm getting enough done, and at this pace think the pain of stretching things out over the next 6-12 months far outweighs the pain of being away from my kids for a few hours more each week. We've got some decisions to make about this daycare plan though.

Right now, Ava goes to Grandma & Grandpa's house 2.5 days a week. Prior to last week, Alder was home with me all week. This meant I squeezed my work in while he was napping, or while he was nursing with my boppy pulled up to the computer desk. It works, but only marginally. It is not a very effective or efficient way to make progress. As of last week, Keith and I have started splitting care 2 days a week. I go to school for 4 hours in the morning, and then we switch and he goes for the afternoons. He's able to do this with his job by working 10 hours the other 3 days of the week, and taking 5 hours of vacation. But that still only give me a total of 8 hours per week of dedicated work time (and that assumes I woke up on time and got to school by 9). We've also discussed me going in for 4 hours on Sundays, but so far it hasn' t happened due to yard projects that have Keith out breaking a sweat. So we are faced with requiring extra help to get me done with school.

Ava used to go to a daycare we are quite fond of. It happens to be a 5 minute walk from my building, so if we put Alder in there, I could walk down and nurse him during lunch. We're thinking about putting him there on the same days that Ava is at Grandma & Grandpa's. We'd start with shortish days of maybe 5 hours and work up as we all got comfortable with the situation. Another option, that would save us $450 a month, is Grandma & Grandpa taking both kids for 5 hours 3 days a week. So between those 15 hours (really 13 after the driving time is sucked out) and the additional 8 I could get from Keith, plus the Sundays, that gets me up to 25 hours/week. That isn't too bad. If I was SUPER DUPER efficient, it just might work. I'm on a bit of a time clock here and am REALLY hoping to finish in December. But that will require a large dose of luck and lots of cooperation from people who don't necessarily need to cooperate.

Anyway, we've got some thinking to do.

Back at School!

I like the smaller type better I think.

Yesterday I went to school, by myself, for the first time since just hours before I went into labor in May. I was there for a whole FOUR hours, and it was glorious. I had a huge grin on my face as I walked in the door. I got soooo much done in those 4 hours, despite the 30 minutes I had to take to pump milk in the middle. I felt like an ADULT. Man, I loved it. And I was ready to nurse my baby when I came home. I wish I could steal 3-4 stretches of dedicated worktime more often. I think my progress with school would be much faster with dedicated time.

So school...you may be wondering what I'm doing in school. I'm a few months away from finishing my PhD in Forest Resources. If I didn't have kids, I'd be done already. Instead, I'm raising a beautiful family and finishing the last of my PhD on the side. I'm hoping to be done this fall, because every extra term is paid for out of our pocket, and with no income from me, it hurts. Though I'm in forestry, I don't actually mess around with trees in my research. I'm a social scientist, which means I talk to people about trees. My dissertation research is on citizen-agency (Forest Service, BLM) interactions in planning and decision-making after large wildfires in the West. Pardon the pun, but it is definitely a HOT topic.

This fall marks the start of my 5th year working on this degree. My first year I worked on an unrelated project that was good experience but didn't exactly get my dissertation work going. I also met my future husband that year and was engaged by spring. The following year we got married and were pregnant shortly after. My third year in school started with the birth of my daughter. I took my prelims at the end of that year and completed most of my research the next, with my second child growing inside me at the time. And here I am, finishing my fourth year, finishing the analysis and writing, and caring for a nearly-3-month old and toddler at the same time. Sometimes I think I'm crazy. I think most everyone at school thinks I am too. But you know, babies come when they come and we love them more than anything else. School will come.

Right now I'm really excited to be working again. I am so close to being done I can taste it. I have a lot of hard work to go, but after 4 years of hard work, knowing you have only months to go...ahhh. Speaking of which, I should be working right now.

One Hand

Typing with one hand really stinks. There will be some days my posts are short and to the point. It is probably because I'm typing with one hand, which is quite common for a mom of an infant. But I hate typing with one hand. Sometimes I'd rather not say anything if it has to be said with one hand. Today was a day like that - most of the day I had only one hand. Now I have two hands, but I'm tired, my kids are asleep, and I need to go to bed.

Tomorrow is my first day back at school in the literal sense. I'm actually going to school for 4 hours in the morning. Keith is staying home with both kids, which is a huge experiment in its own. I'm so darn excited about 4 straight hours all to myself though. It will probably be the 4 most productive hours of my life (or seem that way). It just boggles the mind what I could do in 4 hours with no children at my ankles. I'll update tomorrow on how the day went, both for me and for Keith.

Two Progeny

I am a mother before I am anything else. I have been a mother for exactly 2 years and 12 days. Well, at least that is how long my first child has been on the outside. I suppose pregnancy adds considerable time to that. It is hard to remember the days before I became a mother. I had 29+ years of having no progeny of my own, so you'd think it was more memorable. I guess it isn't that my time without children wasn't memorable, but that my time as a mother has absorbed nearly every inch of my brain. I guess that is how our children ensure we love them forever - if they occupy every part of our memory, who can we remember how fun life was back when we could stay up late with other adults.

I have two children. My first, a girl named Ava, is now a rambunctious and curious 2-year old. She speaks in complex sentences and has real emotions, opinions, and an impressive memory. I can't believe she is such a big kid now. My second, a boy named Alder, is nearly 3 months old. He's grinning and grabbing for toys now. He's also not sleeping much at the moment. Good thing he's grinning. We planned them close together. I love my children more than I ever dreamed I would. I can't wait to see them every morning. I value my time away from them too though, but mostly because it makes me appreciate them so much more when I come home. We hope to add two more children to our family in the next few years.

I guess you could say I'm a stay-at-home mom right now. I don't have a job exactly, but I'm not home with them 7 days a week. I am a part-time graduate student, trying to finish up my PhD (see a future Student post). Ava goes to G&G's house (that is short for Grandma & Grandpa) a couple of days a week so I can focus more on school. It is much easier to write my dissertation from home when I only have to care for the not-yet-3-month old. Getting work done with a toddler in the house just doesn't happen. A couple of mornings a week my husband also stays home with them so I can run into school and make an appearance in my building. On days I have both kids, we typically hit the library, the pool, the park, the grocery store...anything to keep the toddler busy and make sure she naps.