Ava got poked

Tonight we did a repeat of the torturous blood draw for Ava that was destroyed last month. She did very well - only cried for about 20 seconds or so. Hopefully the idiots at the hospital won't destroy this blood sample too. Ava seems very proud of herself and keeps repeating, "Ava got poked and Ava got a pink bracelet." Good thing the hospital still had plenty of pink bracelets to hand out.

Counseling

Counseling appointment went really well today. I like her and will continue. Good thing my insurance covers most of these visits. This lady ain't cheap, but should be very worth it.

Doula waves

No, this isn't about a doula who waved, or waves of doulas or anything. This is about the weird phenomenon that is reaching doula clients. Months will go by and no one will call. And then suddenly I get two or three unrelated calls in a matter of days. What is up with that? And it amuses me where people get my information. SO far, no one has stumbled across my website out-of-the-blue, despite my being on the first page of google when you enter my town and "doula". I've gotten referrals from one of the Oregon midwifery sites I'm listed on, and once from someone who googled another nearby town and "doula", ended up on the Oregon midwifery site, and then still picked me despite being in another town. In my town, I'm part of our local network of doulas. I'm on their website and on their flyers. I'm also in another nearby town's network, which includes a website and flyers. And I pay for these connections. Plus, there is the hefty fee of my own website. But so far all my connections have come from the free websites. How odd. Maybe I should stop spending money on advertising. Maybe it is just a slow time for doulas. Maybe we have too many doulas in my town - 19 for a fairly small birthing population, especially considering the high number of homebirths here.

Funk

I've been in a real funk lately. A super-funk if you will. Like, the kind of funk you go see a counselor about. So tomorrow I've got an appointment and I'm hopeful she can help me straighten things out in my head. I'm mostly concerned about how it affects my relationship with the kids and the husband. And, it has been a bit distracting to my schoolwork. I really need to cut the caffeine out too, but until I'm getting 8 solids hours a night (which will be no time soon, I tell ya), I don't see how I could live without it. Anyway, today I'm feeling like the sun might shine again.

TWINS!!

One of my very good friends had identical twin girls yesterday morning. She made it all the way to 38 weeks 3 days before giving a little nudge to get things going (out of desperation, and out of impending induction date set by docs). She arrived at the hospital at 10 cms, pushed out Baby A (6 lbs 12 oz) with a nuchal hand, and then 14 minutes later pushed out the double footling breech Baby B (7 lbs 12 oz). And she didn't tear at all. And now, 24 hours later, she fighting to get out of the hospital and home to her two other kiddos (2 and 4 years old). She is my hero. :)

I've met death and I hate her

I held my aunt's hand as she died. I watched this wonderful woman, who was once so full of life and love, take her last gasping breaths. I watched the color drain from her face. I felt the warmth leave her fingers. I cried.

I've taken a little blogging hiatus during this tough time. I was thinking about making a big post about it, but I'm not sure I have it in me. I'm really upset over losing my aunt. I'm so thankful I was there with her in the end though. It was really good for me to see her one last time, and she seemed happy to see me too. I had Alder with me, so she got to meet him and that seemed to provide a good source of many smiles during a sad time. And I was happy to be there with my mom as she (and my bro and I) gave her hospice care in her final days. It was just the 3 of us taking care of my aunt. The rest of the family was far away, so of course the phone was always ringing off the hook.

My aunt died of kidney and liver failure as a result of a lifetime of alcoholism. The final death was actually drowning as fluid filled her lungs. It was really ugly. She was 58. I'm very thankful I live in Oregon, where assisted suicide is an option. I would not want a long, drawn-out death like my aunt experienced. It just was NOT a pretty way to die.

Back to my regular blogging now. I hope.

Death in the family

Vacation cut short. Emergency plane tickes purchased. Leaving in 15 minutes to fly East to be with family. Back next week.

Another family vacation

We're headed out on another family vacation today. This one involves 7.5 hours of driving each way. I'll surely write about that when we get back. I know we've been on a lot of mini vacations these last few months. But still, I feel READY for this. I'm crossing my fingers it will involve a little more sleep for me, but I won't hold my breath.

Birth Into Being

I finally shelled out the dough and bought myself some birth videos. I admit, I wanted them for myself just as much as I wanted them for my doula client library. I also knew they would come in handy for showing the kids real births in prep for the birth of their future (not yet existing) siblings. So far, only one video (of three) has arrived.

Birth As We Know It is excellent. It features 11 births, including one twin birth. Nearly all of them are waterbirths. All of them our out-of-hospital births. The birthing mothers are beautiful and very conscious of their labors. In fact, the main point of the video is promoting "conscious birth" and how wonderful it can make the entire experience for a pregnant couple. I really jived with the video and loved the scenes of moms birthing into the sea. I was a little leery of how long they kept the babies under water, but I'm sure that is because the waterbirths I've experienced in real life brought the baby immediately to the surface. There was a short clip of a circumcision. You really can't help but squirm when watching that. There was also a segment on lotus birth in the "extras" that was really neat. Lotus birth is when you keep the umilical cord and placenta attached until it dries and falls off naturally. Sounds nice, but I doubt I could handle the hassle of how immobile you are with a baby attached to the placenta. Anyway, the video is great and just has some beautiful images. I look forward to lending it out to clients.

School deadlines

So I'm trying to finish up my PhD, right? Well, if I wanted to defend this term (and avoid paying for next term), I have exactly 7 weeks to turn my dissertation in to my committee. It is doable, but at a cost that I'm not sure I can handle. Though I desperately want to be DONE DONE DONE, I've been thinking more and more about slipping it into next term. This would allow me to breath a little bit more right now. But it does put as at a continued financial disadvantage, because as long as I'm a student, I'm not making money for our family.

Knowing that I might have no choice but to continue school into winter term, I had lined up a TA position that could pay my tuition and give me a little tiny itty bitty stipend (about the same as daycare would cost for both kids 2 days/week). Well today my advisor surprised me with an offer to pay me for an RA for winter term if I wanted/needed. It would be roughly the same pay, maybe a tiny bit more, than the TA position. But it would be paying me to work ON MY PROJECT. AND FINISH. AND GET MORE PUBS IN THE WORKS (instead of grading a bunch of undergrad term papers). I think I'd be a dunce not to take it. I'm very thankful my advisor has dug deep and found the money to pay me for this. The grant I wrote at the start of my PhD has long run dry, so I've been piecing together TA positions and paying my own way for the past year. It will be nice to be back on the payroll again. And it gives me one more term to figure out what the heck I'm doing next.

Donor milk

Last night Alder got his first taste of donor breastmilk. I feel pretty good about getting 4.5 months on just my supply, and I might even have another week of my own in the freezer. Right now I seem to be 2-3 oz short of what Alder takes every day, so we've been slowly eating up the freezer milk. I'm soooo thankful that we have a donor we trust here in town (my doula!). She truly has the supply for twins. So now I breastfeed most of the day and night, but when I'm away from Alder I never pump what he takes in. So the donor milk fills the gap. Thank god for boobies.

Too much money

When do you ever get as lucky as I did today? I went to the grocery store for some potatoes, and decided to use my debit card to pay the bill. Now, I can count on 1 hand the number of times I have used my debit card to make purchases. I just never do it. But today I wanted some cash back too, so I did it. I asked for $40, and my receipt indicated that my change was $40. But I got 10 $5 bills from the machine. I stood there, counting and counting, convinced at first it was lack of sleep that was causing me to add wrong. But no, the machine REALLY gave me $10 extra. That nearly made me jump for joy on the spot - not because the $10 is that important, but because it just felt like a really good luck sign. It just felt GOOD to have something totally random and positive happen today. So did I give the money back? Hell no. Maybe they'll track me down and take it back from me at some point. But for today, I'm enjoying my good fortune.

3rd Anniversary

Today is our 3rd anniversary. Hard to believe it has only been 3 years. We have a sitter coming over tonight (just from 6-8, but hey...it is something) so we can go to dinner ALONE. It feels nice to be celebrating today. There is just something in the air. Last year this day passed with little notice, but this year, I feel like we need to make it special.

The brilliance of indoor parks

I can't believe we didn't join last year. Man. Whoever came up with this idea deserves a medal. Yesterday I took Ava and Alder to preview one of the local indoor parks. Brilliant! Ava was instantly in love and she talked about it all day, even though we were only there for about 20 minutes. It is cheap ($40), it is open every weekday, everyone gets a key, and there are lots of toys, climbing structures, and slides to wear the kids out for naptime. My only complaint has to be the somewhat limited hours (9:30-3:00), which I assume is a function of the building the indoor park lives in (local fire station).

There are two parks in Corvallis - one for younger kids (~6 months to 3 years) and one for older kids (~18 months to 5 years). I've chosen to join the younger one this year. I think it is all new enough that Ava will stay engaged this year, and this way it is more appropriate for Alder as he grows this winter. The trick will be negotiating their naps so we can come and play, since they will be on opposite nap schedules for much of the winter. But I'm confident we can do it.

Man, the brilliance of indoor parks...especially for the rainy Pacific Northwest. I think I'm in love.

Am I gonna be a midwife?

Maybe. The birth bug has definitely got me strong. Today I attended a training session for wanna-be midwife's assistants. It was really great - all like-minded ladies together for a day of playing with instruments, practicing techniques, and talking birth, baby, and pregnancy. The training was offered by several midwives from the Midwifery Access Project in Eugene, OR. Three other doulas from my local Corvallis group went down with me, so it was a great time had by all.

Five years ago, I never had any idea I would become this involved in birth work. I guess it started when I began planning my first pregnancy, long before I actually met the man who eventually became my husband. I just knew I wanted to have a natural, drug-free birth. Over time, I realized my vision was to have my children at home. So once I was married and we were ready to have children, my time had come. After my first homebirth, I knew the hands-off midwifery model was definitely my cup of tea. I became the uber birth nerd that I continue to be, and I got interested in doula work. I still didn't have an interest in being a primary midwife though. Eventually I started to consider being a midwife's assistant. Someday, I'd love to attend some training workshops on The Farm.

Anyway, fast foward to now. I have a handfull of births under my belt and a few more in the hopper. I've had my second child. I've realized that though I intend on a career in academia at some point, I know it isn't where I still spend the rest of my working days. And I'm starting to think about the long path to being a real, primary midwife. For me, it could be a VERY long path though. For now, I'm just thinking I'll soak up any birth experiences I can get - as a doula, as an assistant, as an apprentice, as a friend. I know I can't take an assistant/apprentice role until I finish school. But after school is done, that might be a good time for something like that. We'll see. I think I've got the sleep on this one. In the meantime, I'm gonna make an appointment with my midwife to go over my charts. Now that I've had the class, I think I can read them and understand. I'm sure I might let slip that I've attended this class and could be interested in attending births if she was ever searching for someone.